just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
