so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
P.S. I can't hear my feet
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
