I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I touched a dick in church today
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
