Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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