hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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