Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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