I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
