when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
