you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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