I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
