and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize