I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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