so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize