Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
