every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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