I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
