Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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