my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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