Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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