I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
