What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
