shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize