..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
