is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
