I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
