Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
My vagina is officially offended.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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