is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize