so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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