You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
