I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
