just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
