addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
