She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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