im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
