Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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