apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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