I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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