Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
