How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
