well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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