i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
