So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Sorry my hands just texted you
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
