Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
