YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
