About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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