mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
