Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
