my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
