Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
