I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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