He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
