i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
