I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
