you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I think a kid would responsible me up
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
