he was CRYING into my vagina
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
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