So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
