I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
