The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
