woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Randomize
