my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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