Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
