Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
