come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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