I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
