so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
