Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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