I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
