I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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