my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
