All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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