this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
it's great music for shaving your balls
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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