I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
