I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
