It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
