i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
