I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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