Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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