Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize